The Strength of his Mask
by icestar663
Summary: Alfred F. Jones is strong, brave, popular, intelligent and incredibly lonely. The mask of happiness he wears is so strong even he believes it sometimes. Is the arrival of a new student at his school enough to change his life for the better? AU. FACE family. Human names used. Rated for self-harm
1. Chapter 1

Tears ran down the young man's face as he looked down at the three fresh cuts on his wrist, they crossed over several healed and half-healed scars, running across his smooth, pale skin. His pushed his blond hair away from his face before moving to cut again, the blade of the razor he was using glinting in the artificial bathroom light.

Before he could draw blood again there was a light knock on the door, "Mon Petit, it's time for supper."

He sighed before replying, "Okay, Papa. I'll be there in a minute."

His father paused at his tone, "Well do not be long. It would not do to let your food grow cold."

"I won't Papa, I'll just be a moment."

He waited until he'd heard his father's footsteps disappear down the hallway before relaxing slightly. Quickly he stowed the razor in its usual hiding place behind the toilet cistern and pulled his sleeves down to hide the marks that covered his arms. Sniffing his wiped his eyes and – to avoid any suspicion of what he'd been doing – flushed the toilet. He washed his hands and splashed his face with water before leaving the room. Slowly he made his way through the house and into the dining room. He sat down beside his twin who smiled at him and raised an eyebrow.

Smiling back he looked around, pausing as he saw who was dishing up the dinner, "Papa didn't let Dad cook did he?"

His brother laughed, "No. But even Dad couldn't make Papa's food taste bad just by putting in on a plate."

The both laughed harder and were still giggling when their fathers entered the room and placed the plates they were carrying on the table. They sat down opposite the boys.

The four of them talked idly as they ate, discussing their days and what plans they had for the next day. The boys would be returning to school after the half term break and they both had exams coming up in a month or so.

Once the food had been eaten and the washing up done they moved into the living room and settled down in front of the TV. They had a sofa that was large enough to fit them all comfortably; Arthur and Francis in the middle with Alfred beside Arthur and Matthew curled up slightly against Francis with his feet neatly tucked up underneath himself.

It wasn't until Matthew fell asleep against his Papa that they boys were sent to bed. They shared a room; one half was covered in hockey posters with a huge Canadian flag on one of the walls for Matthew while the other half had posters of American Football players and rock bands with an equally huge American flag for Alfred.

They changed quickly into their pyjamas and bade each other goodnight before settling down to sleep and turning off the light.

Alfred shifted in the dark until he found his plush toy buried under the covers and hugged it close to his chest. Only Matthew knew he still needed Tony the Alien to sleep whereas Arthur and Francis both knew about Matthew's attachment to his toy bear Kumajirou.

"Found him...?" Matthew whispered sleepily, hugging said bear tighter.

Alfred smiled softly, "Yeah... G'night Mattie..."

"Night Al..."

Both boys quickly sank into warm sleep.

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**Author's Notes: So basically this came from talking to people about having to hide how you really feel and put up a mask to hide your weaknesses from the world around you. Which got me thinking about how overly happy Alfred always is all the time. And this was born.**

**I don't own Hetalia. **


	2. Chapter 2

Alfred grumbled light-heartedly to his brother as they walked down the drive to the school and towards the form rooms, pulling down the sleeves of his maroon blazer as he did.

The pair of them kept pace with each other, Alfred moaning about the uniform and school in general until they were forced to go in different directions. The twins had been placed in different forms – probably so people could tell them apart a little more easily.

"See you, Mattie!" Alfred waved at his brother before running towards his form room. As he heard the bell ring he ran faster, wanting to be in the classroom before the corridors filled with people moving the other way. He almost crashed headlong into Gilbert, one of Matthew's closest friends and called a quick apology over his shoulder to the older boy as he kept running.

Alfred skidded to a stop outside his form room and took a brief moment to catch his breath, knowing he had a few minutes until the next bell went and the corridors would fill properly. He thought he'd be the first one there but his form tutor was talking to a boy who looked a little younger than Alfred with short, black hair.

"Ah, Alfred," his tutor looked up and smiled at him, "This is Kiku Honda. He's just moved here and I was hoping you'd keep an eye on him for the next few days, just until he settles in and learns his way around. Kiku, this is Alfred Jones. If you have any trouble finding your way around or any questions then you can go to him."

Alfred grinned, "Sure thing. Kiku, just remember that I'm the hero!"

Kiku looked up at Alfred and nodded slightly, "Hello, Alfred." His dark brown eyes felt to Alfred like he was looking into him rather than at him. It was a bit unnerving.

"Go sit down and get to know each other," the teacher prompted and after a moment they did, Alfred sitting in his usual seat with Kiku beside him.

"So how long ago did you move here?" Alfred slouched back comfortably, his blue gaze resting on the new student from behind his glasses.

"Only last week, though I've lived in your country for many years."

"Cool," Alfred grinned, "So let's see your timetable then. You're kind of lucky, when we started at the beginning of the year they made us write out our timetables onto the back of the planners by hand but you get to just glue yours on. It's so much easier, I don't see why they don't just let us all do it." He reached out and plucked Kiku's clean, green planner out of his hands before fishing out his own and started to compare the timetables. His planner was scruffy and dog-eared after almost a year of being carried around in Alfred's 'care'. The corner of most of the pages had been folded down, marking what week in the calender it was.

"Cool!" He exclaimed after a moment, "We have English, History and PE together. And I think you're in my brother Mattie's classes for Maths and Sciences. You're doing Japanese? That's really cool, Papa insisted that Matt and I both take French. Other than PE that's the only class we're in together and I don't even like it that much."

As he'd been talking the second bell had rung and the room had slowly filled, Alfred's group of friends being predictable the last to arrive. Before they had a chance to greet each other the teach called for quiet. Once they were settled he gave the usual announcements. Alfred leaned on his hand, the only interesting one was that Kiku had joined and he already knew that.

As the final bell went to signal the start of lessons and people started to leave.

Alfred turned to Kiku again, "Hey, I just remembered. There's a map of the school in the back of your planner if you get really lost. I'll meet you in the canteen at break, okay?"

He waited until the Japanese student nodded his agreement before turning and moving towards his friends, talking and laughing with them as they all went towards their classes.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry for not updating for so long, been really busy with university assignments at the moment but I'll be finished by this time next week so updates will be more frequent.**

**The school they go to is based on my school. It's an English school because I'm English. Alfred is 14 and Gilbert almost 16 so is in the year above them. **


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Kiku!" Alfred called across the hall to the slightly confused looking boy, "Come sit with us!" He grinned as the quiet Japanese boy moved through the crowd towards their table and took one of the remaining seats. "So how have your lessons been?"

Kiku nodded and smiled very slightly, glancing around at the group, "They have been good so far, though it is a little early to tell. And different schools teach things in a very different manner."

Alfred nodded and grinned, "Cool. Well let me introduce you to everyone! That's Antonio and Lovino," He pointed at a cheerful brunette with green eyes who was holding another – grouchy looking – boy with a strange curl in his hair on his lap.

Before Alfred could continue a tall boy wearing a light coloured scarf over the top of his uniform despite the warm weather reached out with one hand to shake Kiku's, "I am Ivan. And this is our friend Ludwig," he gestured with his free hand towards a blond boy with his hair slicked back and light blue eyes.

"I'm Sadiq" a slightly older boy nodded at Kiku, "And this is Heracles. I am in the year above the rest of you, in the same year as Ludwig's brother, Gilbert."

Alfred took over again, "You'll know Gilbert when you see him. He's best friends with my twin even though he's a year older. He's an albino and a pretty cool dude, even though he does have the biggest ego in the known universe. Also, Lovi has a twin brother as well and he's really good friends with Mattie too. Feli's always really happy though, which is completely unlike Lovi."

"Shut up, bastard," Lovino interrupted, causing a few people to laugh.

"See what I mean?" Alfred grinned. "Also, over there is Natalya, she's got a bit of a thing for Ivan." He nodded slightly across to a serious looking girl with long blonde hair with a bow on the top of her head. "You do not want to get on her bad side. And... I think that's everyone. Except for Peter but he isn't really one of our friends, he just hangs around with us when he can. He's not here yet, thank goodness. He's only in year 7 but sticks around with us which is really annoying."

Kiku nodded politely at everyone as they were introduced, glancing briefly at Natalya before Alfred's words had drawn his attention back to him. He was slightly disturbed by the cold aura that the girl gave off.

"Have you met my brother yet?" Alfred's voice interrupted his thoughts, when he nodded Alfred continued, "He's pretty cool but really quiet, to the point you can forget he's there half the time. But as I said his friends are Gilbert, Feli and Carlos. Carlos and Mattie both really like ice cream which is pretty funny when they get together." He glanced at Ludwig and grinned, "Also, Feli is Ludwig here's boyfriend," laughing as the other boy spluttered indignantly and turned red Alfred then continued, "Oh come on Lud, everyone knows it."

Kiku watched them silently, his gaze shifting from the reddening face of Ludwig to Lovino, wondering what he thought of this. Presumably he wasn't overly happy as he was glaring at Alfred though his expression softened as Antonio held him closer and softly murmured in his ear.

As people's attention was diverted from him and onto what their plans were for the upcoming weekend and general dread about their exams, Kiku couldn't help but notice that Alfred quietened down considerable. He seemed to just be eating and no one else seemed to have noticed the change in him. He still acted the same when he was addressed or had something to contribute to the conversation, being loud and boisterous but then he want quiet, seeming to recede into his own thoughts. Kiku noticed a very faint aura of sadness around the boy which no one else seemed to be able to pick up at all.

A few minutes later the bell went and everyone said their goodbyes, making brief plans to do the same as normal for lunch before dispersing and moving to their various classes. Kiku hung back slightly and checked his timetable before slowly following the crowds out of the room, still wondering about the aura he'd felt around Alfred.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm free of work! Which means I have more time to write my stories! And sleep... but stories!**

**So yes, we have now met most of Alfred's group of friends and some of the other important(ish) characters have been mentioned. with the school, they have two lessons, break, two lessons, lunch, one lesson. Al and most of his friends are in year 10 (14/15) Gilbert and Sadiq are year 11 (15/16) and Peter is year 7 (11/12).**


	4. Chapter 4

"So how was your day?"

Alfred and Matthew were sitting across from Arthur at the kitchen table while Francis was standing at the stove, finishing off the dinner.

"Pretty cool!" Alfred grinned, "There's a new kid in my form group. His name's Kiku. It's kind of weird that he's moved now though. I mean the exams start in like, three weeks. I mean he's cool and all but it's weird. And his eyes are kind of spooky, like he's looking into you not properly at you."

Matthew nodded, "He's cool though. And smart. He's in a few of my classes and he knows loads. He writes pages of notes in super tiny handwriting." He smiled, his long curl bobbling as he talked animatedly.

Arthur laughed, "Matt, you're starting to sound like your brother," he leaned over and ruffled his hair.

Pouting playfully, Matthew stood up and went over to help Francis plate and serve the food.

"So..." Francis smiled at them as they ate, "Was there anything else exciting at school?"

"No. All the lessons are just revision now which is boring. I mean we've already leaned all the stuff so why do we have to spend lessons with the same teachers telling us all the same stuff again. Oh!" Alfred accidentally sprayed potato across the table in his excitement. "They're announcing who's going to captain the sports teams for next year. I really hope I get rugby. I mean I AM the best at it. And Matt's pretty much definitely going to get hockey captain, aren't you Mattie?"

Alfred turned to his brother who nodded quietly, "O-Oui... I hope so..." he murmured softly, his violet gaze staying trained on his plate as he worked his way through his meal.

The others lapsed into silence to finish eating, listening to Alfred ramble about anything he could think of between – and during – mouthfuls.

Once they were done the four of them moved into the living room, taking up their usual places on the sofa and watching the television until Matthew's yawning caused Arthur to sent both boys to bed.

They sighed softly, quickly getting ready for bed and settling down to sleep. Neither of them wanted to admit how tired they were after their first day back at school after the break. Both boys were asleep almost as soon as the lights were out.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry this is late and there's not an awful lot going on. This is pretty much just a filler chapter because I felt like writing some random FACE and just some more general character home life stuff. There will be more going on in the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

Alfred stretched back in his seat, yawning as he waited for the others. Antonio and Lovino were arguing as usual but Alfred tuned them out. The constant bickering was giving him a headache as he scratched absent-mindedly at his arm through the sleeve of his blazer.

He looked up and smiled as the door to the canteen opened and Kiku entered. Alfred was about to call him over when he saw him turn back to talk to Ludwig and Feliciano who had walked in just behind him. The three of them went over to sit together on the other side of the room, deep in conversation.

Alfred sighed, rubbing his eyes and yawning again as he idly looked around, the others were all in their own conversations that didn't include him. No one was paying him any attention, too engrossed in what they were doing.

After a moment he stood up, collected his things together and went over to the food counters. He picked something small to eat for lunch and went to pay for it. He handed the money over silently before leaving, wandering down the halls to reach the outdoor eating area – which was pretty much just a paved area with a few benches. The weather was overcast and the clouds promised rain, even so Alfred was surprised that there weren't more people sitting outside to have their lunch. The only other people around were Roderich and Elizabeta and they were too far away and far too busy to even notice that he was there.

He sighed, these days even his brother – who had always been the quieter, ignored one – was getting more attention that he was. Alfred had noticed that Gilbert had been giving Matthew more attention, the older boy was hanging around a lot more than he used to. The pair of them had always been close friends but recently they had seemed even closer than before. Though, as Matthew hadn't mentioned it to him Alfred presumed – quite rightly – that neither of them had asked the other out yet. He'd have to do something about that at some point.

Alfred jumped as the bell rang to signal the end of lunch. He wanted to just skip his last lesson and go home but he knew that he wouldn't be able to get away with it. Sighing, he shoved the last of his food into his mouth as he forced himself to his feet and started to walk slowly towards the French classrooms.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry this is late, short and a bit rubbish. I've been stupidly busy helping to sort out the show my Performing Arts group put on. It was amazing in the end but I didn't have time to think about anything else while I was in all day rehearsals.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter even though I don't particularly like it (written far too quickly when I had a bit of a writers block) and it gets across what I want it to. **


	6. Chapter 6

Alfred practically ran home. Matthew had stayed behind to talk to people but Alfred had just wanted to be back before Arthur or Francis. He quickly checked that no one was home before shutting himself in the bathroom. Swallowing, he fished his razor from its hiding place and rolled up his sleeve. He examined the scars and half-healed cuts that already littered his arm before starting to make more, watching the blood run over his pale skin.

"Al? Are you in there?"

Alfred jumped at the sound of his brother's voice from the other side of the door, he has been so engrossed in what he'd been doing he hadn't heard the front door.

"Yeah. I'll be out in a second, Matt," he called back, quickly turning on the tap and washing away the blood.

After a moment he stood up, pulling his sleeves down and unlocking the door, "Have a good day, Matt?" He asked, leaning against the wall and folding his arms. He raised one eyebrow, grinning at his brother, "How's Gilbert?"

Matthew smiled back, "Gil's alright. Lud and Fel are driving him slightly mad but that's nothing new."

"They admitted their love yet?" Alfred grinned wider.

"No, still being obvious about it yet denying there's anything between them. I would have thought they'd just come out with it. Especially as they walk around school holding hands."

Alfred laughed at this, "Well some people just aren't good at admitting feelings, even to themselves. Lud's too shy and has probably sworn Feli to secrecy. So it'll be out within the week. Let's get some snackage. I'm staaaaaarving!" He barged past his brother and bounded downstairs towards the kitchen.

Matthew followed him down more slowly, "You're always starving, Al. I don't get how you can eat so much and not get fat!" He went over to his twin and affectionately poked him in the stomach, "particularly with your fast food obsession!"

Pouting playfully, Alfred batted his hand away "But McDonalds is epic!"

"But it's unhealthy."

"They sell salad!"

"Do you eat it?"

"No. Salad's gross. But they do sell it. Therefore, I win!"

Matthew sighed and rolled his eyes at his brother's logic. Crouching he searched the cupboards for a box of maple cookies he was sure he had left, "Gilbert's coming over later, by the way. He's going to help me go over my plans for revision. We barely got a quarter of the way through it at lunchtime. Plus, apparently Lud, Feli and Kiku are working on some science project and he's 'too awesome to hang around with them.' So, hope you don't mind."

"Not at all.," Alfred grinned, "I'll play video games or something while he's here, leave you two alone to 'work.'"

"We will be working!"

"Sure you will..."

"Al-!" Matthew was cut off by a knock at the door, "Just go upstairs and play your stupid games. We'll be in the dining room." He pushed Alfred towards the stairs before running to answer the door.

Alfred laughed, "I'm going!" he called as he went up the stairs and into their room. Glancing at the door briefly he tip-toed along the white line in the middle of the room that split it neatly in half, deemed their 'no touching zone' after the arguments they got into when they were younger. It meant they could have their own space but still share a room like they both wanted.

He was silently glad that Matthew hadn't noticed his arm, blood was starting to seep through his shirt. Sighing softly he sat on the bed to clean and bandage the cuts using the supplies he kept stashed under his bed before turning on the TV and settling back to play some games. He wasn't going to go spy on his brother. Not tonight anyway.

* * *

**Author's Notes: What's this? An update from me? Really sorry about the delays with updating, I've been really busy for the last few weeks and I now have some unexpected university business to sort out. Which is fun.**

**I wrote this chapter on the train and I'm surprised I actually managed to decipher my handwriting well enough to type it up. hope you enjoy!**


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